we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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