he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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