Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
