Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
