By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
