dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
