You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
