just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We have so much sex to catch up on
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
