Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
