tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
