how can u be prego again
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
