just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
