he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We smell like vodka and hangover
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