Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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