Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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