I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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