Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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