Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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