I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
there was a trapeze. enough said
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
