I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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