the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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