So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
