someone threw a dead crab at me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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