We won't sleep together?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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