I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
