just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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