listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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