Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
