I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
