PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
