Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am one with the molecules
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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