i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
