my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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