My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
