I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
