her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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