Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
