I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Randomize
