You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
