She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
