fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
