Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
