Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
