she takes plan B like it's going out of style
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
