So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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