i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I understand Curling. That high.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Your cock deserves a montage
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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