i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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