You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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