Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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