I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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