Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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