after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
