She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
