When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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