I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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