At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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