he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
