Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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