who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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