We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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