I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
