She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
