Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
