a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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