Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
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he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
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she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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