Is it normal to miss your booty call?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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