it was like his penis was on wheels.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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