wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
