i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
